Things Are Not What They Seem

It’s happened to me before. I’m feeling good, strong, beautiful (insert encouraging descriptor here). I look in the mirror, expecting to see that feeling reflected back to me. And what I see is not what I feel. The mirror is lying to me!

There are a few things I take away from this. The most obvious: do not trust the mirror. What’s more important, the way I look or the way I feel? For me, it’s definitely the way I feel. I do not have the time, or desire, to be so hung up on what I see in the mirror that I let it affect the way I feel. Some days I am better at this than others, but today I choose not to allow the mirror to make me feel bad about myself.

A less obvious aspect of this experience is that what I see when I look in the mirror is not true and factual; it is a product of my perception. What each and every one of us see when we look in the mirror is a result of our experiences, expectations, and habits. So how do I know if that cellulite dimple is really there? Or if my muffin top is actual noticeable? Couldn’t it be that I am sensitive about both of these things, and therefore I am more likely to see them?

There’s actually a psychological term for this. It’s called confirmation bias– the idea that we look for information that upholds things we already believe. This is why, once you are pregnant, you see pregnant ladies everywhere. It’s why stereotypes exist and why we believe them. It’s why we believe people we like and assume that people we don’t like are lying (think Presidential candidates). We are selective about the information we take in and even pay attention to, subconsciously choosing that which confirms an idea we already have.

Perfect example: I am extremely aware of the amount of cellulite on my thighs. I have spent many hours wishing away its existence, squatting and lunging it into expected oblivion, and have only miraculously stopped short of purchasing cellulite reducing creams, simply because I am too cheap and too analytical to go for any of those quick fixes.  So, when I look in the mirror, the lenses I see with are already looking for information to confirm my cellulite’s existence. They are rose-colored, or in this case, cellulite-minded would be a better way to explain it. They want to see evidence of “cottage cheese thighs”. So can I really trust what my shady eyes are picking up? Are they really truly seeing me? No, of course not. My perception of my physical self is undoubtedly influenced by my mind and my thoughts. So when I look in the mirror and see cellulite, or hanging skin, or stretch marks, it does not mean that my body looks any different than it did yesterday. It simply means that there is something about my mental state that makes me think I see evidence of a difference.

Of course, I am human, and it’s not always easy to remind myself of the tricks my mind plays. I prefer to live in a space of acceptance and self-love, and so I focus on something other than what I “see” in the mirror: how excited I am to wear jeans tomorrow, or that I’m looking forward to my new yellow sweater, or that I feel comfortable in this sports bra and these yoga pants.I try to bring it back to the feeling, to my internal body, rather than the exterior.

What tricks does your mind play on you? How have your experiences changed the way you actually see your physical self? Share in the comments below.



One thought on “Things Are Not What They Seem

  1. My husband is a photographer and when we are out with the kids he always seems to get a shot of my butt looking huge and dumpy. One day I was wearing a red and white striped maxi dress, and I felt like I was dressed to kill. Then he posted (innocently) some photos of me and the kids on facebook and I was horrified to see them. I thought I looked like an elephant!! Of course he doesn’t notice… I never knew that term confirmation bias, but I have it about so many parts of myself, much more so since having children. Great post! Thank you so much for teaching me something new, and helping me to be more aware on my journey towards self acceptance.

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